달콤한 오류
2018. 6. 14. 22:28
I WOULD LIKE TO WRITE WITH THE PHILOSOPHY OF DERIDA AND JUDITH BUTLER WITH THE TERM DECONSTRUCTIONISM. I WANT TO MIX THE NOVEL WITH SURREALISM AND DECONSTRUCTIONISM.
I ARRIVED IN THE DENSE CITY OF DARKNESS. I COULDN’T SEE A THING. IT WAS AS IF I HAVE GONE ENTIRELY BLIND FROM THE DAWN OF MY LIFE. THIS DARKNESS MADE ME FORGET WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO SEE THE ‘LIGHT’. I SUDDENLY LOST THE TRACK OF EVERY VIVID MEMORIES I HAD WITH MY EYESIGHT. IT WAS JUST GONE.
I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE TRYING TO REACH THE GLIMPSE OF THE TRACKS THAT THE STARS HAVE LEFT. I HAVE SOUGHT THE DARKNESS IN ORDER TO CATCH THE LIGHT. DARKNESS WAS THE ONE THAT WAS NEEDED AS THE ‘DEFAULT’ OF MY PASSION. I THOUGHT I WAS SO USED TO IT.
AFTER THE JOURNEY HAS LED ME TO THIS TOTAL BLACKNESS, I TRIED SO HARD TO INCREASE MY ABILITY OF HEARING AS MUCH AS I HAVE LOST MY USAGE OF SEEING. IT WASN’T WORKING AT FIRST. I JUST FELT LIKE THE WORLD HAD SHUT DOWN WITH THE BLINKING OF MY EYELIDS.
“HEY.”
THIS WAS THE MOMENT MY LIFE BECAME LIT AGAIN.
THIS HUSKY VOICE CAME OUT
한껏 흥이 오른채로 암흑의 골목을 거닐고 있다. 길 곳곳에서 느껴지는 날 것의 느낌은 자꾸만 이 곳에서 멈춰서 이 공간을 음미하도록 했다. I WALKED WITH THIS SIMPLE STEPS OF RHYTHM. I SAW PEOPLE WITH TATOOS BY THEIR SIDE. THE PLACE WAS BIZARRE WITH MIXTURE OF NEWNESS AND A BUNCH OF NATURAL MESS. EVEN THE SCRATCHES IN THE DIM STREET LIGHT MADE GOOSEBUMPS AS MY FOOTSTEPS ENDED THE TOUCH WITH THE GROUND. I STOP AND SNAP PICTURES. I WANT TO GRAB THESE MOMENTS OF WHAT IS CALLED UNIQUE AND 'MINE'.
I DANCED AROUND MY FRIEND WHO SEEMED SCARED AT THE GLIMPSE OF TALL FOREIGN PEOPLE WHOM AREN'T FAMILIAR TO US IN OUR SCHOOL. WE PASSED BY THE ISLAMIC TEMPLE AND GOT SEIZED WITH THE PREJUDICE AGAINST THOSE 'MINORITIES(IN KOREA)' AS WE THOUGHT OF THE 'TERRORIST GROUPS' AND HOW 'THEY SHOULD BE VANISHED' FROM OUR LAND. AS WE WERE PEOPLE WITH CONSCIOUSNESS, WE BACKED OFF FROM THAT UNCONSCIOUS BIAS AND STARTED/TRIED TO SHOW PURE CURIOSITY TO THE EXOTIC CULTURE THAT WE WERE FACING. WE TRIED TO TALK ABOUT OUR DREAMS OF TRAVELING AROUND THE WORLD. MEETING ALL SORTS OF DIFFERENT SECTIONS ACROSS THE EARTH. OUR DREAMS WEREN'T JUST COMPOSED OF 'VISITING' THE PLACES BUT ACTUALLY 'LIVING' AS A PART OF THE MEMBER IN THE SOCIETY. WE SHARED OUR DREAMS OF HOW OUR DREAM 'TRAVEL' SHOULD BEGIN AND END WITH ACTUAL LIVING. NOT AS A GUEST BUT SURE AS A RESIDENT. WE WANTED TO TRY OUT LOCAL MARKETS AND RESTAURANTS AND STAY AT THE PARK UNTIL LATE OF THE NIGHT DRINKING WINE INSTEAD OF TAKING RAPID PHOTOS AROUND THE PLACES THAT WE'VE BEEN FED UP WITH AT A BUNCH OF GUIDE-BOOKS AND BLOGS.
HE AGREED. WE MADE A HIGH-FIVE ACROSS THE ISLAMIC TEMPLE THAT WE FACED THE EXOTICNESS AND STARTED TO SHARE OUR VISIONS OF 'TRAVELING'. WE AGREED TO GO AROUND THE EARTH AT LEAST 10 TIMES AND LIVE AS WE STEPPED ALONGSIDE THE BORDERS OF EACH AND EVERY COUNTRIES THAT WE WANTED TO TRY OUT. WE GOT EXCITED. I GOT EXCITED AND STARTED TO DANCE AROUND MY FRIEND AS HE LAUGHED AT HOW 'EXOTIC' IT WAS AND STARTED TO DANCE ALONG.
I LOVED THE MOMENTS WHEN I FELT LIKE I WAS FREE AND NOTHING SEEMED TO BOTHER ME. IT FELT AS IF I WAS FLYING AROUND FREE FROM THE GRAVITY AND JUST FLOATING AS I SHIFTED MY SIGHT TO RANDOM SIDES OF PREFERENCE. I AM FALLING IN LOVE WITH THIS ONE WHO IS AN ALIEN AND DREAMT OF BECOMING AN ASTRONAUT IN ORDER TO GO BACK TO HIS HOMELAND. I WAS ALSO THE ONE WHO ABANDONED MY HOMELAND AND GOT STUCK IN THIS LAND OF WATER. WE GOT ALONG. IN OUR WORLD THERE WAS NO GRAVITY.
YES WE LOCKED OUR FINGERS TOGETHER AND FELT BOTH OF OUR HEARTS PUMPING RAPIDLY AS SWEAT CAME OUT OF NERVOUSNESS AND THRILLMENT. OUR WAY TO MMM RECORDS WHICH WAS MY FAVORITE PLACE, WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DARK BUT SHONE LIKE THE SKY OF MONGOLIA WHICH SPARKED WITH SCATTERS OF STARS AND NOTHING ELSE. IT WAS PURE GLIMMERINGS WITHOUT ANY HELP OF ARTIFICIAL FABRICATION. WE SKATEBOARDED THROUGH THE CONCRETE FLOOR WHICH LED OUR WAY TO OUR DESTINATION. I SHOOK MY HANDS WITH THAT FELLOW AS A SIGN OF SATISFACTION AND HE SHOOK IT FIRMLY TOO. I ORDERED A GLASS OF SWEET ROSE WINE AND DUG MY FINGERS ACROSS THE STACK OF LP RECORDS TO CHOOSE. I PICKED UP A PIECE OF JAZZ MUSIC WHICH I RECOGNIZED WITH THE FADED TRUMPET DRAWN IN THE CENTER BINDING. THE BIG MAN WITH THE TATOO IN HIS FOREHEAD TOOK MY CHOICE OF HEAVEN WITH AN UNMATCHING BUT CAPTIVATING SMILE. THE PLACE WAS ALLURING WITH THE DUSTY POSTERS HANGING AT THE WALL WHICH SEEMED LIKE THE AGE OF OUR GREAT-GREAT-GRANDPARENTS WHOM MIGHT HAVE TRAVELED FROM ABROAD. THE DAZZLING DISPLAY OF JAZZ IN MY EARS AND THE SIP OF SWEET ROSE WINE IN MY TONGUE MADE MY EYES LIMPID AS THE MARBLES THAT LAY INSIDE THE DEEPEST FLOOR OF THE WATER. I ADJUSTED MY EYES TO THE NEON LIGHT TUNE THAT SET THE MOOD OF THIS PLACE. I STARTED TO SING ALONG EVEN THOUGH IT WAS MY FIRST TIME TO HEAR THIS PIECE OF MUSIC. I JUST SANG. MY VOICES SHADOWED THIS VOICE OF EXCELLENCE BY A FEW STEPS BEHIND. THE EMINENCE OF THIS CONSENSUS OF KEY WITH COMPOSURE MADE ME FASCINATED.